My Communicating Skills

            While there are successes and failures with interacting with family, friends and co-workers, the overall development of interpersonal, group, and organizational skills are essential part of effective communication today. My techniques in communication have improved as a result of identifying the meaning of the terms and incorporating those techniques in my everyday communications with people. Communication is transactional, inevitable, purposeful, irreversible and unrepeatable.

            The developments of communication skills are integral for any relationship that is formed. First, there is spoken language.  Orwell’s novel illustrates that “we think through language, and using this language gives us the power of persuasion and effectiveness over other as well as ourselves.” Language is also the ability to understand and create unusual sentences that show that the learning is a matter of trail and error.”(Trenholm, 2008,p.75) Language communication skills are integral for any relationship that is formed. “Language is the ability to understand and create unusual sentences that show that language learning is a matter of trail and error.”  Trenholm, S (2008) p 75.  The use of language is one of the most important human abilities. (Flynn).

            Our language is based on how we see the world and the knowledge that we have of the world. I have always thought of myself to have good language skills based on my perceptions. I learned studying communications that that my language is made up by it own set of symbols. . So, it is also true that language in general has its own set of rules and symbols.                                                

Sapir-Whorf Theory determined that your language determines how you’re thinking. I found that to be a true statement in my own experience.  If language does control our thinking, we are at its mercy. I can choose the wrong choice of words causing havoc all around me.  I’ve learned that spoken language does not have a lot to do with what you say. It is how you say it. Have always thought of myself to have good language skills utilizing my vocabulary to its full potential. I realize not everyone follows the same rules in language. People attach different meanings to words, I believe just because I think different from someone else, makes the language I use different as well. I believe though language it shapes how I view the world. It has always been important to me to use correct the vocabulary in when talking with others, and I have admired that skill in others when I hear them speak. 


             In the text, “ Communication is a process of acting on information. “(Trenholm, S 2008 p. 21). According to the International Listening Association, listening is the process of receiving constructing meaning from responding to spoken messages. Even through my aptitude for conversation and listening skills have improved, there is stillroom for much more development in that area. I have now more in touch with the customer service aspect of my job. Just by listening, I have been able to assist the customers in a timelier manner. There are several ways to improve your listening skills by evaluating the messages. Another part of learning how to listen is seeing things from the sender perspective (Trenholm, 2008 p. 48). I also found it helpful to write thing down.   It’s no surprise that self monitoring general increases one’s effectiveness as a communicator” (Kolb, 1998; Sphere & Sypher, 1983).           

            When I first meet a stranger, let me say that I am a very quiet person, not because I want to be, it just who I am as a person. I can easily disappear in a crowd but will communicate face to face with another person. I normally wait for the other person to be more of aggressive communicator than myself.  In the text, it describes how we form dyads to maintain self esteem, comfort and support.  
                 

            “Dyadic interaction is more immediate than other forms of communication because the quality of feedback is high.”  (Trenholm, 2008,).  These relationships help us to cope with life on life’s’ terms.  In my own experience, I found that statement to be true. Dyads do allow us to maintain stable views of ourselves over time (Trenholm, 2008,). Normally, when I meet a stranger I only become comfortable after I find they are things we have in common. In my list of Personal Constructs, I tend to choose people that display honesty, integrity, and self-confidence. I judge them based on my own set of personal values. The more comfortable I am with someone, the easily it is for me to open up and disclose more about myself, which later develops into more than just a casual acquaintance. I choose friends based on my own comparison. Using Charles Horton Cooley’s metaphor  “looking–glass self.

How I communicate does change when it involves intimacy in my relationship with another. According to Knapp’s Relational Development Model, there are stages you go though in relationships. The first is the initiating stage. I remember when I met my husband; he was talking about his children with some other people. I approached him and asked how was his children were doing? He replied, “They are just fine”, thanks for asking.        
                                        

I was interested in him from the first time I saw him and was determined to make some type of contact. We moved directly into the experimenting stage where we determined after conversion, how much we had in common with each other. The communication eventually changed dramatically when we begin to disclose more about each other, and experienced getting to know one another enough to feel a sense of security.                                                                        

Interpersonal communication it involves intimacy. Two people interacting based on mutual attraction towards each other. Being the shy one, I felt more of a challenge than he did in the relationship. I did feel the need at the time to share everything about myself even though he did.  Our relationship and how we communicated did change after some time passed.


                                         
 Dialectical tensions exist in all relationships, both with good friends and intimate partners. Conflict in a relationship is inevitable, but it’s all in the way the conflict is handled. Sometimes in error poor communication skills are displayed causing disagreements and misunderstanding.  What happens even meeting a stranger for the first time and having a conversation either business or personal?   While and initial conversation is taking place, both people can realize easily that they have nothing in common with the other person. This causes relational tensions between the two people. 


                                                                                                           
 In intimate relationships, one can be more open and willing to disclose details about themselves, while the other can refrain from opening up at all. I believe the ways to resolve a dialectical tension especially with someone intimate is to find a balance within the relationship. People are never resolve the dialectical tension will some go into the coming apart stage of the relationship. In my own experience, I ceased all communication with the other person causes the relationship eventually terminating the relationship.

Every group has its own unique way of communicating. There are a number of characteristics that shape the way I am in my family. There way that one family member behaves will sometimes effect the entire family. We all are territorial in our own way. That has been the norm within our family since I can remember. Everyone knows that you never come to visit unannounced.   Even in childhood, my sister’s room was off limits and so was mind. I guess that means I have a small space bubble.  Some of the experiences in my family helped shape the way I communicate with other today. At home, my role is household budgeter. In the work place, it is office assistant sitting comfortably in my small cubicle, and for some other that drives them crazy.

An organization consist of a large number a people working together to accomplish multiple goals. (Trenholm, 2008, p.215). The organization that I work for is just that, people working together to provide a service to the public and the number #1 goal is customer satisfaction. The organization flows in a hierarchical structure. There are high positions, but the goal is the same. My role is complete subordination. There are times that management recruits the employees are part of the decision making process. There is a structure chain of command within the organization. In some case a command chain is not possible (Pared, D. 2007,)  

 After completing my work content list, there are several personal attributes that I give to the organization daily to accomplish it overall goal. Several of my skills were developed over time in the organization. From speech presentations during a group meeting to professionally answering calls from customers. The goal is still the same, customer satisfaction.  Just like in families, my behavior affects the next person in the organization. Even though the organization that I work for is hierarchical structured, we have an open door policy meaning "we can say what we feel".                                                                                                                                                 

The overall effectiveness of communication in today’s society does not mean that you can complete a test or course in communication and gain all the knowledge and skills that are necessary for communication competence. The work that is in progress is to gain self-awareness thru trail and error of those social and personal rules involving communication as an ongoing development of those skills.

References

Adler, Rosenfeld, and Proctor (2007). Interplay -The Process Of Interpersonal Communications

Sypher, B.D.& Sypher, H.E (1983). Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin

Kolb, J.A. (1998). Journal of Business Communications

Trenholm, S (2008). Thinking Though Communication: An Introduction to the Study of Human Communication. 5^th Edition. Boston: Pearson Education

Jack, J & Bastedo, G (2010). ‘Safe to Say’, speaks volumes. Communication World.

ABI Inform Global (Document ID: 1990008981

Hurd, G (2007). Communication is Key. Total Health. Retrieved

From ProQuest Science Journals.

Phred, D (2007). Theory & Practice: How Understanding the ‘Why’ of Decisions Matters; 

Employees More Like to Embrace Changes When Fully Informed. Wall Street Journal (Eastern Edition), p.3

Flynn, M. “Language.” World Book Advanced.”   World Book, (2010). Web. 5